At the Last Minute
by Qk
Summary: Bakura's doing a major 10 project that he hasn't even started yet at 2:00am. Listen to his muses and share his pain. 2 Part, technically 1S, AU.


**Share My Pain**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Don't own the mental capacity to do homework.

**D/N:** Yes, well... It's like... 2:00am... It's Sunday night... I have a 14-part English project due tomorrow and I haven't even started yet. I. Am. Screwed. So I figured I'd write this little story to ease my pain. Yes, misery loves company, and I have plenty for all.

**OOOOOOOO**

"The last minute... I always wait until the last minute..." Bakura growled to himself, sitting at a desk in the room he and Ryou shared. He tapped his pen on the desk, staring at the blank sheets of paper. "I tried to start early for once. I really did. I just lost focus. That's all. A guy's allowed to make mistakes every now and then, isn't he?"

He looked over at Ryou, who was fast asleep in his room and glared.

"Idiot." He snapped to himself. "Stupid, bloody, _fairy_ hikari. Doesn't even have the decency to keep me on track. I mean, really. He should have seen it coming. He should have known I'd wait until the last second to actually start. And here I am now... Just sitting and doing nothing... I could set this piece of paper on fire, but that would simply be no use."

He leaned back in his chair, sighing. The table light was focused on the sheet, lighting it up as if to try and blind the yami with its blankness.

"It's not like this is _hard_. Just an essay. Well, a couple of essays. It's not that big of a deal." Bakura told himself. He looked hard at the sheet, as if willing ink to fly onto it and magically transform into words. "It's ridiculously easy. Write an essay. Write a few paragraphs. Answer questions on a book." He began looking around. "Where in hell did I put that list of requirements?"

Growling angrily to himself, he pulled out his English binder and began leafing through it. "It's not here. Damn. I lost it. Perfect. Well..." He picked up another sheet of paper. "I've got the novel study questions. I guess I better get started with _those_ then."

He looked over the sheet. _Part 1 - Skill: Interpretation_, the paper read, _Select and answer two of the following: 1. How is the character in the novel like a real person you know? 2. A) Who was the hero in your novel? B) How would you describe the hero to someone else? 3. Compare TWO characters in your book. Suggestion: Who is more likeable? Credible? Sympathetic? Admirable? 4. A) What event in your novel had the greatest effect on any character? B) What caused any character to change an opinion or an action? 5. Would real people get into the situations that were outlined in your novel? Explain._

"I have to answer two of these. Just two. Okay, two is good." Bakura mused to himself, breathing in deeply. "How about... Okay, number one." He picked up the pen. "The... person... in my... novel... is like... a real... person... that I... know... because... the hero... of the... story... is a pansy... like Ryou." Bakura looked at the sheet and smirked briefly before crumbling it up and throwing it in the trash. "That's pure crap. I get a fail right there."

Bakura considered this for a moment. "I'm in no mood to write... Therefore I'll fail when I hand it in... So if I'm _going_ to fail, why bother to do it? But... it _is_ worth 10 of my mark. Damn that bloody woman! Thinks she's so 'high and mighty' with her goddamn grammar skills. 'Oh, Bakura, stop mixing up 'further' and 'farther.' They're _completely_ different.' Well, you know what? I don't _give_ a damn if one's a distance and the other an idea/concept! I'll mix them up all I bloody want!"

Bakura growled in his throat again. "Maybe I should just skip that first part... Okay... Next part."

_Skill: Application. Select and answer ONE of the following. 1. Why is the title of your book suitable to the story? 2. What information did you collect from the story that you did not know before?_

Sighing again, he thought about this. "Okay... I'll do the first one. Well... let's see... The book's Robin Hood. The title is suitable because it's about a guy called Robin Hood. He's a pansy and an idiot. I mean, _really_. Why go through all that trouble stealing from people just to give it away? If those people want fortune so damn much, make them get off their asses and work for it!"

This was when insanity began to kick in. Bakura began to role-play in order to free up his ideas.

"Oh, but Robin Hood, we have a very cruel sheriff!"

"Then kill him. Stop bugging me."

"Oh, but Robin Hood, we don't want to be murderers."

"So you want _me_ to do your dirty work, eh? Glad to see I'm loved."

"Oh, but Robin Hood, we just need some money."

"Do you have two legs? Two arms? Some manner of slight yet traceable intellect? Then get off your asses and work - for - it!"

"Oh, but Robin Hood, I'm an old lady! I'm too old to work!"

"Then you deserve to get shot in the head, you good for nothing piece of crap! Stop draining our society and _die_ already!"

"Oh, but Robin Hood, I have a family! I have grandkids!"

"Then stop being selfish by letting the kids starve! Die and let them eat you!"

"Oh, but Robin Hood, you're supposed to help us!"

"I ain't gotta do a damn-ass thing! You lazy bums have been pestering me all my life! Go choke on your food and die!"

"Oh, but Robin Hood, _we don't have any food!_"

"Then _buy_ some!"

"Oh, but Robin Hood, we have no money!"

"That's it! Arrows! Arrows in the head for all!" (I'm literally cracking myself up.)

Bakura's little 'writer's unblock tactic' backfired miserably, as he was now increasingly pissed at the fictional, lazy people of that place in the book who's name Bakura didn't care enough about to remember. To hell with them all! If _he_ were Robin Hood, he'd have banished them all to the Shadow Realm long ago! And then he'd have banished the rich people. Then he would have a huge town, castle, and giant piles of money.

Shaking his head, trying to clear his mind once more, Bakura moved on.

_Skill: Analysis. Answer either #1 or #2. 1. Suggest some changes you might make if you re-wrote this novel. 2. If you wrote a letter to the author what comments would you make?_

Bakura smiled. "I think I'll take a crack at number two." Picking up his pen, Bakura began to write:

Dear Random Idiot Who Decided to Write This Book,

I must congratulate you. So far, you hold the title for pissing the hell out of me. I absolutely hated the way you portrayed the citizens of your crap town. They were idiots. I hated the Merry Men. Why in hell would you make some master thief who steals from people - in case you don't know what a thief _does_ - dance around with a bunch of men that were absolutely always happy? What the hell made them so happy? Did you put them on drugs? Are the smoking some pot? Having a sniff? Taking a chew? And what kind of pansy name is that for a bunch of henchmen? 'Oh look, there's the master criminal Robin Hood! And here come his Merry Men!' Do you have _any_ idea how stupid that sounds? Would _you_ want a bunch of people guarding your ass to be called 'Merry Men?' And WHY would they be so merry while guarding Robin Hood's ass? Are they looking at it? Are they pleased with what they see? Did they want a little bing-bing on the side? So congrats, you moronic imbecile. You have officially wasted my life. I intend to make your unfortunately - and 'accidentally' - early afterlife one of misery and woe once I take over Hell. Kiss my ass.

Love, Bakura.

XOXO

Bakura looked at it. "Damn it, she'll _flip_ if she reads that. My god, this is going to be a long night..."

"I _could_ just banish her to the Shadow Realm." Bakura thought. He leaned back, thinking over this. "Or I could fake sick... I could come home mid-day. Then I'd have another whole day to work on it. But... would I do anything? I _would_ get the chance to sleep right now... Damn it, hikari! Why didn't you _force_ me to do it?"

Bakura started to laugh softly at this. He could just imagine Ryou being 'assertive.'

"Bakura, DO YOUR HOMEWORK!"

"Go die in hell."

"Okay."

The thought intrigued him, as his idiotic fantasies gave way to picturing Ryou as Robin Hood.

"Oh, Robin Hood! Go steal from the rich and give to us, the poor!"

"Yeah, sure, okay."

"Robin Hood! This is the sheriff! Go back to where ever the hell you came from!"

"Yeah, no problem."

"Oh, Robin Hood! We are still poor! Go get us money!"

"Alright, fine."

"GET LOST!"

"Okay."

"GET US MONEY!"

"Okay."

Bakura grinned. "I wonder how long it would take for him to crack and start driving arrows into everyone's heads."

Growling, Bakura finally gave up just after that thought ended. "Dammit. I'm going to sleep. I'll deal with this in the morning."

And so, Bakura goes to sleep... BUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW?

**OOOOOOOO **

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** Actually, I'm not sure. I'll let you know after Mrs. Raposo is finished kicking my ass. Heeheeheehee... If you type 'Raposo' on Microsoft Word, the spellcheck offers up the word 'rape'. That's quite convenient. Anyways, part two of this EPIC struggle of my homework woes will continue soon. Sorry this story's crap. I gotta go to bed. It's 2:37am. - -;;


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